Many of you have asked how I’m doing with my health issues and taking time for myself with all of this stress.
I have to tell you that I’m doing GREAT. I pretty much follow the plan that my ND spelled out for me in February. Anytime that I try to stray from it, it spells bad news for my tummy and digestive tract. In the past few weeks I have been a little lax about sugar, tomatoes, fruit juices, and alcohol and man can I tell! I’m trying to stick to it to the letter because it really does make me feel SO.MUCH.BETTER. I am NEVER lax about gluten, corn (I am oh so allergic to corn), dairy, pork, or citrus. If I get it accidentally, it’s awful. Pork especially
I see my ND every 2 weeks and she tweaks my supplements some but I think we’re on a good path and I’m feeling really great. Once I’m in Boise, that will drop to 1 visit per month over Skype.
Additionally, I don’t know if I mentioned it but the therapist that I started seeing back in February didn’t work out. I went to an appointment one day feeling really low about my body image and she basically told me that I was acting crazy and then recommended I either get on Ritalin or Anti-Depressants. She also brought up liposuction. It was a bad bad scene. She was great for everything EXCEPT body image and that’s what I needed help with the most.
So…I broke up with her and got recommendations for therapists from my ND. She recommended both a Life Coach and a therapist. I saw both to see who I liked better and it turned out that I liked BOTH for different reasons. I see the therapist once a week and I see the Life Coach every 3 weeks or so.
Let me tell you-they have helped SO MUCH. I am in a better place emotionally and body wise than I have EVER been in. My headspace is getting healthy and that makes me so happy. We’ve been working on mothering myself and showing the care, compassion, and intuition that I use with others on myself. I’m a very loving person and I follow my gut with other people. For myself, I’m extremely analytical and very MALE. I use almost NO intuition with myself. I expect perfection from myself and when I can’t deliver I berate myself and tell myself that I’m a bad person. I’m trying to find more balance in all areas of my life. Bringing more female energy into MY head and bringing more male energy to the outside world. This all sounds very crystals and butterflies and basically is BUT it’s HELPING and that’s what matters.
When I get up in the morning I say nice things to myself. I say the things to myself that I wish others would say (many do but I’ve traditionally had a hard time believing them). If I ever start talking badly about myself, I stop it right then and there and try to figure out why I’m feeling that way and reinforce that I’m really a good, beautiful person.
Instead of hating my body and fighting it, I’m learning to love it and appreciate it. I don’t like the weight I am right now but for some reason my body thinks it needs to be this weight. My body/mind is trying to protect me from something by keeping this weight on and I need to thank my body for trying to take care of me and just try to be the healthiest person I can be. I’m still the same weight I was a few months ago but when I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful, healthy, able body. I really do see a different person in the mirror. And? I’m not going to lie-sometimes I have really bad days but they are getting fewer and further between and I haven’t self-soothed with food in I don’t know how long-months maybe?
I try stay away from the scale now and only hop on it occasionally to just check in. When we move, the scale is going down in the garage so that it’s less of a temptation for me. Yesterday I jumped on and I saw a number that would have sent me into a tailspin a few months ago (160) and yesterday I started to have those thoughts and then said, “No, you know what, you’re feeling really great and the number on the scale doesn’t matter. You’re doing great.” And then? I didn’t think about it AT ALL yesterday. Not once.
I wrote that down in my notebook of wins! I used to carry a notebook to note everything that I ate. Now I carry the same notebook to write down everything that I’m doing right for myself. It’s the win notebook and I LOVE it.
I’m working really, really, really hard on myself and I’m really proud of me for doing that. I’ve also learned and have been working on setting better boundaries with people and that has been HUGE for me.
I do a lot of talking to myself in the mirror and maybe that makes me crazy but I feel good and that’s what counts, right?
Last therapy session, my therapist had me think of 20 thinks that I enjoy just for me and not to please anyone else. It was a struggle to come up with 6 but we pushed through and I now have a list of 21. Anytime I’m feeling down or negative or like I’m a “bad person” I’m supposed to stop immediately and do one of those activities. It’s been working!!! Guess what’s on the list? Blogging/writing
Another huge things on the list?
My little smoothie stealer.
She downed a good quarter of it!
So there’s your answer-I’m doing really, really, really GREAT.
Thank god for telephones and Skype because I’m not done yet with my therapist or Life Coach OR ND-that’s for sure!