Archive for August 2012

Honesty and Self Sabotage

August 24th, 2012 — 7:47pm

Remember the body transformation competition I did at the beginning of the year? Well, I didn’t win. I got second. And…I took it really hard. I kept saying that I had already won because I was fitting into my pre-Lucy clothes and that it didn’t matter but deep down, it did matter. I adopted a total “eff it” attitude and sabotaged all of my hard work.  As of Monday, I had gained back all the weight I lost plus a few more pounds for good measure.  It kills me to write that but it’s true and I need to say it.

As I was stuffing my face with food that I know my body doesn’t handle well (including copious amounts of alcohol) AND slacking on my exercise, I KNEW what I was doing but I continued to do it. Every week (heck every DAY), I would promise that I would do better, but I didn’t, and that made it worse.

First we moved and when you move, it’s very difficult to eat well.  Then it was the end of the year and all the well meaning parents brought in all sorts of treats.  Then we went to Yellowstone where we were incredibly active but I ate lots of chips and sugar. Then summer school started and in order for me to make it to the gym, I had to get up at 4:45.  Yeah, that didn’t happen very often.  I also hated teaching summer school.  I was absolutely miserable (different kids, different skill levels, different behavior levels, different kids every day, changing dynamic=TOTAL SUCK). Then I went on a mini-vacation where I attained that very unattainable goal of staying tipsy the whole time but never getting totally sloshed. Achievement unlocked…but not so great for my waistline. After I got back, my aunt and uncle were here for a month and there was lots of good food and LOTS of great margaritas (my weakness-especially my aunt’s margs) and wine. I know that these are all excuses and lame excuses but it’s plain to me exactly how I ended up in this situation.

School started on Monday and so did my determination to get back to where I was and better.  I went to boot camp 3 times this week and plan to add weightlifting in on Tuesday and Thursday next week.  I also ate really well this week-I had NO SUGAR (my biggest issue) and I didn’t feel deprived.  I’m proud of myself.  I was “rewarded” with a 3 pound loss this week.  I’m sure most of it was water weight but it was nice to see the scale at my pre-Lucy   weight. I really am trying to focus on the way I look, not the scale and my clothes are looking better again.

I’m pretty much following the paleo lifestyle and it’s going well.  It’s what I did for the competition, so I know it works.  I feel satiated and I drop fat, so that’s good. I eat eggs  lean meats (and bacon on occasion!), lots of veggies, some fruit, nuts, and healthy fats.  I’m not going to totally deprive myself though (I did this during the competition and it backfired in a major way!). For example, I know that I’m running the Dirty Dash tomorrow-a 5 mile run/obstacle course, all in the mud, and Lucy and I had a date since Shaun had to work late.  We went to a new Cuban restaurant (Casa Blanca Cuban Grill), and I got rice, beans, ground beef with olives, and 3 slices of fried plantains.  It was delicious and I don’t feel bad about it-which I think is the right way to approach this. I do not want to feel deprived and it’s usually only when I start eating sugar that I start feeling deprived and resentful and go off the rails.

Here’s what my eating looked like this week:

B-2 all natural chicken sausages, brussel sprouts
S-Handful of almonds
L-Salad with tuna, half an avocado, olive oil, and balsamic
S-Sliced turkey and carrots
D-Chicken breast and roasted okra

B-3 eggs, brussel sprouts
S-Handful of almonds
L-Chicken breast with roasted okra
S-Sliced turkey and carrots
D-Meaty marinara over spinach

B-Paleo Grapenuts with coconut milk and fruit, workout drink
S-Handful of almonds
L-Meaty marinara over spinach
S-Chicken breast and carrots
D-Broccoli Beef

B-2 eggs, 1 chicken sausage, brussel sprouts
S-Handful of almonds
L-Salad with canned chicken breast, avocado, olive oil, and balsamic
S-Chicken breast with carrots
D-Meaty marinara over spinach and half a peach (Lu stole the other half)

B-Paleo Grapenuts with coconut milk and fruit, smoothie with almond milk, stevia, frozen cherries, and egg whites, workout drink
S-Handful of almonds
L-Meaty marinara over spinach
S-Turkey slices and carrots
D-Cuban delight mentioned above Smile

I’m having a hard time eliminating stevia, almond milk, and sugarfree gum (I chew a few pieces a day at school-never at home). I figure there are worse things out there! I also need to get a bit more variety-especially for snacks. For now though, I like what I’m doing and I’m going to stick with it. 

I am so tired of yo-yo-ing and it’s not a good example for Lucy.  I have no clue if she notices but I’d rather just get somewhere that I’m happy (I was so close!!! UGH!!!) and then just maintain.  I KNOW that maintenance is HARD but I’m ready for that challenge.  Bring it.

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