Memories of an Almost 4 Year Old

July 29th, 2012 — 11:35pm

Lucy has gotten to an age that I remember being as a child. I remember being 3, but even more 4. She is now going through some developmental milestones that I remember vividly.

She’s recently become very afraid of the dark. She used to sleep in a dark room, with a night light, a white noise machine, and the door closed. About a year ago, she started asking for the door to be left open-we did that-no problem. When we moved, the bigness and newness of the new house scared her so we would leave the hall light on, on low. She did great and even started going to the bathroom at night with no help from us. In the past few weeks the dark has legitimately freaked her out. To many people this could seem like a ploy not to sleep, or a ploy to get attention. But, I know it’s not. I distinctly remember feeling and acting the way she has been. My parents treated it like a ploy not to sleep or to get attention. I remember sitting in my bed, scared shitless, and being told to get over it. We always had the hall light on but even that freaked me out. I can still remember my Dad and Mom’s tired voices telling me to go to sleep and that my room was not scary and that I was being a baby. I remember laying there trying my hardest not to feel scared, not to wake them up, and not to cry. I was still scared shitless. My parents were NOT bad parents, they were awesome parents. They were doing what they thought was best. They were tired parents with 4 kids and super busy lives and they needed sleep. I probably never was afraid of the dark before so when I started acting like I was (right at an age where you start to realize that you can manipulate people-and do manipulate people) they believed I wasn’t scared when I legitimately was.

So tonight when Lu woke us up for the third time and my alarm was set for 4:45 to get back in the gym routine, and I was bone ass tired, and I heard myself saying the same things that my parents said to me at 4, and I heard the fear in my daughter’s voice that I felt when I was her age-I decided that the gym isn’t more important than my daughter feeling safe. I decided to come into her room and talk to her about her fears and lay with her to help her fall asleep. I decided to give her kisses and hugs and try to reassure her.

Am I worried that this will become a pattern? You betcha! So starting tomorrow, we’re brainstorming what will make her feel safe at night and will keep her in bed and won’t wake us up and we’re doing whatever that is (it can’t be Mommy sleeping with her though). Then we’re doing a sticker chart. If she does 10 consecutive nights without waking us up, she gets to go pick something out to help her sleep. A new lamp, or a new nightlight, or a new lovey. Something to get her past this fear.

I still, to this day, will turn on lights when I can’t sleep and it makes me fall asleep. When I was a teenager, I fell asleep every night with all the lights in my room blazing. My brother or Dad, and sometimes Mom, would come in and turn my light off every night. I had to retrain myself in college to not fall asleep this way. I still fall asleep with the lights on quite often and Shaun has to turn them off. I’m not afraid of the dark anymore but I prefer sleeping in the light- it makes me feel safe and secure.

Tomorrow, when I’m a walking zombie, please remind me that I’m just trying my best to be a good Mommy and that this is worth it. It is, right?

6 comments »

Bucket List-Days 29-30

July 3rd, 2012 — 9:18pm

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.
23. Support Lucy, unconditionally.
24. Have an awesome garden.
25. Take Lucy to Jamaica to show her where we got married.
26. Knit myself another sweater.
27. Laser off my pit hair and bikini line.
28. Find a style.
29. Visit Thailand.
30. Never, ever, ever make a bucket list again!

I broke my blog last Thursday, 2 days before finishing this blasted list. Shaun fixed it for me today. I’ve learned that bucket lists are not for me. I am much better with goals like, “Be healthy!” “Love yourself!” etc. The bucket list was HARD. BUT it got me blogging again and that was what I wanted it to do.

We’ll see what July brings.

1 comment »

Bucket List-Day 28

June 28th, 2012 — 1:39pm

Bucket List:

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.
23. Support Lucy, unconditionally.
24. Have an awesome garden.
25. Take Lucy to Jamaica to show her where we got married.
26. Knit myself another sweater.
27. Laser off my pit hair and bikini line.
28. Find a style.

I think I lament about my lack of style at least every six months on the blog.  I need to figure out my style and I need to get clothes! I’m so tired of feeling frumpy and unattractive.  The problem is that I need to figure out my style and I have no way of figuring out how to do that.  There is a mom at school that always looks so cute.  Maybe I’ll ask her where she shops?

~~

I’m home today with Lucy.  We think she has Hand, Foot, and Mouth.  She was accidentally exposed to it last week and I thought we were in the clear and BAM-101* temp and a scratchy throat.  So we’re sitting at home.  I rented Winnie the Pooh from Redbox and she seems to be enjoying it.  I got her a peanut butter chocolate shake and she took two sips and said that she was done because it hurt Sad smile.

With my unexpected day off I’ve set up a new bank account for us, scheduled my annual for my week off (joy!), signed Lu up for swim lessons, signed myself up for a gym around the corner (for $14/month!!!!), and folded literally 4 weeks worth of laundry (it was insane!). At least I got to catch up!

Poor Lu though, I wish she felt better Sad smile.

1 comment »

Bucket List-Day 27

June 27th, 2012 — 9:15pm

Bucket List:

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.
23. Support Lucy, unconditionally.
24. Have an awesome garden.
25. Take Lucy to Jamaica to show her where we got married.
26. Knit myself another sweater.
27. Laser off my pit hair and bikini line.

That would be awesome.

1 comment »

Bucket List-Day 26

June 27th, 2012 — 3:05am

Bucket List:

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.
23. Support Lucy, unconditionally.
24. Have an awesome garden.
25. Take Lucy to Jamaica to show her where we got married.
26. Knit myself another sweater.

I used to be a pretty prolific knitter. Then I had Lu. I think I’ve knit a few hats and a sweater for her since she was born and that’s it. Porter’s baby blanket is exactly half done and the kid is 18 months old. Nice. I want to start knitting again. I miss it.

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Bucket List-Day 25

June 25th, 2012 — 7:57pm

Bucket List:

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.
23. Support Lucy, unconditionally.
24. Have an awesome garden.
25. Take Lucy to Jamaica to show her where we got married.

Seven years ago today I married my favorite person in the world. He’s still my favorite and I love him more today than I did 7 years ago.

We got married in a little fishing village in Jamaica called Treasure Beach. It was amazing. I want to share that with Lucy too.

Here are our anniversary flowers that I picked out at the Farmer’s Market. My favorite-peonies and alliums.

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In very sad news, my Zoe kitty died peacefully in her sleep today. I made an appointment to have her put down today but when I went to get her, she had already died. We were able to give her lots of love before she went and I know that it was her time to go.

It’s hitting me much harder than I thought it would. I’m really sad but I know that she had a happy life with me.

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Bucket List-Day 24

June 24th, 2012 — 8:07pm

Bucket List:

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.
23. Support Lucy, unconditionally.
24. Have an awesome garden.

I went with Megan, Anna, and Kathleen today to do the Boise Garden Tour. We saw some AMAZING gardens and some felt very attainable-like I could create that if I worked at it. So work at it, I will. Once bucket list #2 happens, I’ll start working on a pretty garden with succulents, peonies, hastas, and allium. 🙂

~~

5 years ago today I finished the Ironman!

In super sad news, my kitty cat is dying. If she makes it through the night I have to call to get her put down tomorrow. We have jokingly called her the vampire cat because she never seems to age. I got her 10 years ago and she’s moved across country with me multiple times. She was a rescue kitty and had a hard first few years until she found me. About 7 years ago, she had to have all of her teeth removed due to decay but she bounced back from that wonderfully. About 4 years ago she started puking 3-5 times a week but the vet could never figure out why. So we’ve been dealing with cat puke but a seemingly healthy cat for 4 years. I noticed on Friday that she was acting off but I assumed it was the heat. Today I thanked Shaun for cleaning her box and feeding her last week-he hadn’t been. 🙁 She hasn’t pooped in a week and hasn’t eaten very much either. She isn’t responding to me petting her (which is crazy unlike her) and is very listless. It has become very evident that she is just waiting to die. I’m incredibly sad. We’ve been through so much together and I can’t believe that it’s really her time.

1 comment »

Bucket List-Day 23

June 23rd, 2012 — 8:24pm

Bucket List:

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.
23. Support Lucy, unconditionally.

We were watching So You Think You Can Dance last night and the amount of people who get little to no support from their family broke my heart.  I hope that Lucy NEVER feels that way. I want her to feel supported and loved by us.  My brother always says that as long as your kids know they are loved, then you have done something right. I have to say that I agree!

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Yellowstone

June 23rd, 2012 — 7:37pm

These pictures don’t do our trip justice.  It was more amazing than I can ever relate. 

The first morning, I unzipped the tent to find snow had fallen in the 25* night.  We, surprisingly, stayed pretty warm in our tent.

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We decided to check out Old Faithful first:

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One of the amazing pools around Old Faithful:

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We hiked about a mile to see Old Faithful go off and to avoid the crowds:

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Here’s our view, before it went off:

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We waited, in the snow, with one other couple and their 3 year old and then it went off:

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Lu didn’t want her picture taken:

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Old Faithful, the snow, and us:

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We saw a few Yellow Bellied Marmots:

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The next day we went on a 6 mile hike to Shoshone Lake.  It’s the largest lake in the contiguous United States that you can’t get to by car.  It was also right in the middle of a bear area.  We had our spray and we made A LOT of noise! No bears were seen!

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The lake!

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Shaun’s favorite part of Yellowstone was Hayden Valley, we had our best grizzly sighting here-too bad I don’t have a good zoom lens!

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Some of the hundreds of bison we saw:

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Lucy counting them:

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A hot spring run off:

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The Grand Prismatic Pool-AMAZING!

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Lu and Daddy watching an Osprey.

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As it gets a fish!

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One of the MANY elk we saw!

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The view of Yellowstone Lake from our campground:

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A cute, but blurry picture of my Lu:

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The Lower Falls:

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The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone:

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Hiking down Uncle Tom’s Trail to the bottom of the Lower Falls:

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At the bottom of the 327 steps:

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And back up:

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The Lower Falls from Artist’s Point:

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Hello there, bison!

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A fox! The only thing to actually scare us-it ran right at Lucy and Shaun!  We were very careful to follow the 25/100 yard rule while there!

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The Petrified Tree:

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We got to see babies nursing in this heard of bison:

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Lu and Mommy having a peanut butter cup at lunch Smile

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ELK!

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8 big horn sheep-4 ewes and 4 lambs:

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We also got to see the sheep nursing!

Mammoth Hot Springs Terraces:

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Bison sparring:

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A heard of bison right outside of the Old Faithful Inn:

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Our last sunset:

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3 comments »

Bucket List-Day 22

June 22nd, 2012 — 9:26pm

Bucket List:

1. Write a book
2. Own an actual house with a yard (NOT a condo!)
3. Get to 20% body fat
4. Bike Tour
5. Be totally debt free!
6. Tour Hawaii in a VW Vanagon
7. Visit France, Italy, and Spain
8. Have a real summer vacation-no working summer school!
9. Visit ALL of America’s National Parks (I’ve hit 9 of the 58)
10. Work a summer in Yellowstone.
11. See a moose!
12. See Yellowstone in the winter.
13. Visit all 50 States (I’m up to 15-ha!)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Ride the Idaho City Tour with Shaun-50 Mile Mountain Bike Ride
16. Take a helicopter ride.
17. Learn to juggle.
18. Go on an epic vacation with friends, sans kids.
19. Go sky diving.
20. Learn how to make pierogies.
21. Become the type of person who gives the perfect gifts. ON TIME.
22. Be a positive force in this world. Not a negative, judgmental one.

~~~

Lu turns 4 in 3 months from today. *sob*

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