Ugh. The last 2 weeks have been brutal for me. I made a mistake at work (which I try very hard not to do) and my client was PISSED at me (which has NEVER happened before) and it sent me into a hole. It started with me berating myself for how stupid and incompetent I was and it quickly spiraled to me berating myself for how fat I was. It wasn’t pretty.
With all the work I’ve been doing, I KNOW what it feels like to feel good about myself and it felt like this “fall” was so much harder because on top of berating myself for the way I look, I was berating myself for berating myself. It was really ugly.
The good news? I have some tools and I know how to use them. I started writing positive affirmations and started really talking positively to myself but I was still finding myself slipping back into that hole. I tried taking a bath. We all know how that turned out. I tried yoga. I tried running. I tried talking about it with Shaun, friends, and my sister. The hole was not quite as deep, but I was still in that hole. Finally, I pulled out the big guns and scheduled a meeting with my Life Coach (I still feel so dumb saying that-but really, she is a Life Coach, she’s not a therapist-she talks A LOT about 5x as much as a therapist would).
We met yesterday over the phone and I found myself taking notes. I took 3 pages of notes. I took the most salient points and wrote them on post-its and stuck them on the wall.
I seem to have 2 very strong voices in my head. On is negative and insecure the other is positive and happy. I need to acknowledge both of them and then make the choice. I choose happy! (Happy is actually a hard choice for me because it’s comfortable to be negative and insecure-it’s what I know and what I have known for almost 30 years. I’m trying to re-wire my brain to choose the other, happier voice).
Everything is going to be okay and all the work I’ve done-is not lost.
Pretty self explanatory.
Whatever the situation, we CAN make the choice to make us feel good. I know what will make me feel good in any situation and I need to DO THAT.
There are all sorts of different “frequency sets”-depressed and down is one of them. It’s one I know well. I need to visualize what it feels like to feel good. It will come.
It’s all up to me. I’m in control.
Well this sure does-good friends and LUCY!:
I’m working on this one. I know running and biking do. Competing does…
And my favorite:
The hole feels like a little divot. I can easily get out.