I think most of you know that I gave birth to Lucy with no pain medicine.  I did have pitocin to speed up delivery but other than that, I had a natural childbirth.  It was the most painful but awesome thing I had ever experienced. Unfortunately on Friday night I found something that is more painful than childbirth and has NONE of the rewards.

A UTI that spread to my right kidney-causing a kidney infection. The first symptom was at 11 PM and by 2 AM, I was in so much pain that I was in tears. Every time I went to the bathroom (which was every 2 minutes) it felt like Lucy crowning (the VERY worst part of labor which only happens once). Plus I was starting to get pain in my back and was feeling dizzy. I called my doctor’s after hours clinic and the nurse listened to my symptoms and advised me to get to the Emergency Room immediately.  She told me that if I did pass out that Shaun was to call 911-way to scare me!

When I got to the ER, they took a sample and my urine looked like this:

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(That’s not really my urine-that’s a glass of cranberry juice).  They couldn’t believe it. I was given 2 different pain meds and an antibiotic and sent on my merry way. The doctor told me that if I felt worse to come back in to the ER.

I didn’t feel worse over the weekend but I definitely didn’t feel any better. This weekend was just awful.

I woke up this morning and was very nauseas and vomiting.  I got right into my doctor.  He took one look at me and hooked me up to an IV.  I got 2 bags of fluids and a different kind of antibiotic. Apparently, the antibiotic that they gave me in the ER wasn’t working.  I’m on a different one, plus Zofran for anti-nausea, and the 2 different pain meds, plus strict orders that if I feel worse to call my doctor immediately.

He still thinks I have a kidney infection but I could possible have a kidney stone or renal lacerations. If, on Wednesday, I’m still feeling awful, I’ll get an MRI to see if that’s the case.

I seriously wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

Ugh.  The last 2 weeks have been brutal for me.  I made a mistake at work (which I try very hard not to do) and my client was PISSED at me (which has NEVER happened before) and it sent me into a hole.  It started with me berating myself for how stupid and incompetent I was and it quickly spiraled to me berating myself for how fat I was.  It wasn’t pretty.

With all the work I’ve been doing, I KNOW what it feels like to feel good about myself and it felt like this “fall” was so much harder because on top of berating myself for the way I look, I was berating myself for berating myself.  It was really ugly.

The good news?  I have some tools and I know how to use them.  I started writing positive affirmations and started really talking positively to myself but I was still finding myself slipping back into that hole.  I tried taking a bath.  We all know how that turned out. I tried yoga. I tried running.  I tried talking about it with Shaun, friends, and my sister.  The hole was not quite as deep, but I was still in that hole. Finally, I pulled out the big guns and scheduled a meeting with my Life Coach (I still feel so dumb saying that-but really, she is a Life Coach, she’s not a therapist-she talks A LOT about 5x as much as a therapist would).

We met yesterday over the phone and I found myself taking notes.  I took 3 pages of notes.  I took the most salient points and wrote them on post-its and stuck them on the wall.

Merry Christmas!

I seem to have 2 very strong voices in my head.  On is negative and insecure the other is positive and happy.  I need to acknowledge both of them and then make the choice.  I choose happy! (Happy is actually a hard choice for me because it’s comfortable to be negative and insecure-it’s what I know and what I have known for almost 30 years.  I’m trying to re-wire my brain to choose the other, happier voice).

Everything is going to be okay and all the work I’ve done-is not lost.

Pretty self explanatory.

Whatever the situation, we CAN make the choice to make us feel good.  I know what will make me feel good in any situation and I need to DO THAT.

There are all sorts of different “frequency sets”-depressed and down is one of them.  It’s one I know well. I need to visualize what it feels like to feel good.  It will come.

It’s all up to me.  I’m in control.

Well this sure does-good friends and LUCY!:

I’m working on this one.  I know running and biking do.  Competing does…

And my favorite:

The hole feels like a little divot.  I can easily get out.

 [source]

I guess there’s a series happening at the blog.  I much prefer my Cleaning with Vinegar post to this one but last week I had to clean with bleach.

I think I’ve mentioned before that the new house has a jacuzzi tub.  I have been VERY excited about this.  Last week we finally had a night cool enough that I could enjoy it.  I drew a bath, got in, and then stood up and turned on the jets.  Gobs and gobs of black stuff came SHOOTING out at me.  I screamed and jumped out (thank goodness I had the foresight to stand up!).  Shaun came running in to see the black algae swimming around in the tub and his wife freaking out.  We drained the tub, with a rag over the drain-to catch the algae.  Because of the rag, it drained REALLY slowly and I had to go to bed.  The next day I used Clorox wipes, Scrubbing Bubbles, and then I filled the tub up and poured about 2 cups of bleach in there and ran the jets.  It bubbled up!

It is now clean and I have since done some research.  This is actually quite common!  It is suggested that you add 1/4 cup powdered dishwasher detergent to a full tub and run it for about 10 minutes.  I will be doing that and SOON!

I’ve been training for a half marathon on October 10th.  I’ve been running 3 times a week but I’ve been slow.  My pre-Lucy slow pace was a 10 min/mile.  I don’t even think my fast pace could be that now.  I’ve been averaging over a 14 minute mile on my runs which has been quite a blow to my ego.  I have to remind myself that I haven’t run regularly in almost 3 years and that I have to build up.  I know from past experiences that one day your body just seems to adjust and you get faster (or at least I do).  Today was that day! 

I jumped down to a 11:44 min/mile pace.  I’m super excited and proud of myself.  Yippee!!!!

I expect perfection from myself.  I’m pretty positive that the majority of you out there reading this feel the exact.same.way.  When I don’t do something up to “my standards” and I am less than perfect I belittle, berate, and basically, I am downright mean to myself.  The funny thing is that I don’t expect perfection out of ANYONE else in my life and give most people a TON of leeway before I even get annoyed. I would never even dream of talking to someone else the way that I talk to me.

I’ve been working on this. HARD.  I have gotten better but I’ve definitely slipped into some of my old habits and I feel and hear a lot of those negative voices getting loud again.  I’m trying my hardest to quiet them and make the confident NICE voices much louder. What can I say? I’m a work in progress.

I will say that overall, I have gotten much better with myself and that I am growing.  HOWEVER, I made a mistake at work last week.  That’s something that I rarely do and WOW it sent me into a major tailspin that I’m just recovering from.  It’s taken me A WEEK to get over making one mistake at work. Huh? Wha? Come again? One mistake that my boss wasn’t even upset about.  That needs to change, right?

My Mom always used to say that she didn’t need to punish me because I would punish myself enough.  Old habits die hard.

I get asked a lot how I get it all done.  One of my secret weapons when I lived in California was that I could afford a cleaning lady.  Shaun and I kept the house neat and cleaned the kitchen, but, twice a month we had people in that cleaned our floors, toilets, mirrors, dusted, etc.  It was so nice to come home on the “cleaning lady” days to a sparkling, fresh smelling home.

With our new lifestyle, a cleaning lady is decidedly NOT in the budget.  After five years of not cleaning toilets, it was a rude awakening to have to clean them.  ICK.

Since I had to start cleaning again, I had to get new cleaning supplies.  Guess what I’m using for almost everything? (Well, if you read the title, then you already know).

That’s right, vinegar!

[source]

My friend, Stephanie, mentioned it on Facebook and I decided to give it a try.  I got 2 spray bottles (one for upstairs and one for down) and I filled them with a solution of equal parts vinegar and water.  I’ve been using the solution in the kitchen, in the bathroom-everywhere!

For a deeper clean, I’m planning on mixing baking soda and vinegar.  I haven’t tried it yet, but I will be.  I just ran out of my old toilet bowl cleaner, so the next time I clean the toilet, I’ll be breaking out the baking soda.

So far, I am REALLY happy with the vinegar solution-it’s cheap too!!!

What do you use to clean with, that you can’t live without?

One downside of being a WFHM is that I never get a break anymore.  When I was working I could take a break and write in the blog.  Yeah, not so much anymore.  I’m working so hard trying to get everything done by the time Lu is up from her nap that I don’t take any breaks.  Then, once Lu is up, I’m doing stuff with her.  Once she goes to bed, I have to clean up from the day and I’m exhausted.  It makes me sad though, I love writing and I miss it.  I’m going to try and carve out 20-30 minutes to write a day.  I think it will be good for me.

Since we last talked, I had a fun dinner party with my Aunt, Uncle, SIL, BIL, and Tessa.    

We also went on a magnificent hike the next day.  Only 30 minutes away and we were in the middle of pine trees and wild flowers.  It was gorgeous!

Fields of lupin:

Views:

Lu and Auntie Lala:

Doesn’t Lucy have a hard life?

Lissa and Tessa:

Awesome tree:

We had a blast with my Aunt and Uncle in town.  I hope they come to visit again SOON!!!!

That’s my silly little acronym for Work From Home Mom 😉

A month in, how’s it going?  By and large I think it’s going well.  It took me some time to get used to it and get into my groove but this past week was great.  I was extremely productive both at home and work.  Work has, of course, been absolutely crazy but I do see an end in sight!

What does being a WFHM look like?

• I have a dedicated office space at home where I go to work everyday from around 8 to 5. It’s downstairs and when the sitter is here, she is upstairs or outside with Lucy.
• I have a sitter that comes on Mondays from 7:30 am – 9:30 am, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays 7:30 am – 1:30 pm.  On Tuesdays, the sitter goes to my sister’s house so Lucy goes there during that time.
• I have a webcam set up so that all of my colleagues can see me at meetings that guarantees that I get out of my PJs!

As you can see, I have help 20 hours a week and the other 20 hours Lucy is here.  Around 8 of those hours, however, Lucy is napping.  But there are 12 hours a week (it feels like longer than that!) where I have to work and take care of Lucy.  This largely works out fine.  The only issues arise when I have a conference call scheduled for times that Lucy is here.  That makes it a bit more challenging!  I’m quickly becoming a master of the mute button.

I have blocked Wednesdays out as a “No Meeting Day” but will occasionally have to have a meeting that day.  I’ve also blocked 30 minutes for naptime everyday.  That allows me to get Lu down without worrying about a meeting getting in the way. It’s nice that Lucy is at my sister’s on Tuesdays since that is my heavy meeting day and I don’t have to worry about her squeals of delight (she REALLY likes the sitter) interrupting the call.

When I’m working and Lucy is here I make sure to have a lot of fun activities for her to do.  She plays Legos, colors, practices her ABC’s, uses sidewalk chalk, and generally plays with her toys.  The backyard is right outside my office through a sliding glass door so she can play outside while I’m in the office-I keep a close eye on her though and she stays close. On Wednesdays, when I have her all day, I move the operations upstairs to the dining room table so that Lucy has full access to her toys, food, and whatever else she needs.  This past Wednesday, I needed to really concentrate for about 30 minutes and I put on Super Why!.  I sort of felt bad but then I realized that 30 minutes of educational tv a week is not going to hurt her.

The pros?

• I get to see Lucy so.much.more.
• I can get MUCH more done at home in a shorter amount of time.  I’m able to concentrate here as my old office space was an “Open” plan (no walls or cubicles, just desks in a big room). I get things done much quicker at home.
• I can throw a load of laundry in or take a break and do some cleaning.  On Friday I needed a break so I steam mopped the floors-it was awesome. I can also go for a walk with Lucy or take her to the park on my “lunch break”.
• I have NO commute-that frees up 2 hours in the day for me!
• I’m here for deliveries or service people-easy scheduling.

The cons?

• I don’t really get a break.  When I worked in the office, I got a sort of mental break from Lucy.  I don’t really get that now-with the exception of Tuesdays.
• The house gets messy!  While I can take a break and clean up, on the days when I’m really busy I just don’t have time to add another task to the day- Lucy’s toys are everywhere and I don’t have time to really clean the kitchen. I hate a messy house and I DESPISE a messy kitchen.  No worries, it’s clean by the time I go to bed!
• It’s hard to turn off.  It feels like people have access to me at all times and I need to be better at setting boundaries.  It’s not odd for me to send an email now before my morning run at 6 am.
• Traveling is much more difficult now.  I have to arrange care for Lucy during the times that I normally have her.  In my old world, she just went to daycare.
• I have to figure out every.single.thing she puts in her mouth.  I miss daycare breakfast, lunch, and snacks!  The sitter does feed her but I have to have easy and nutritious options available at all times.
• I forget to eat.  I’m so busy with both work and Lucy that eating completely falls off the radar until I’m starving.

Being a WFHM is like a strange mix of working Mom and SAHM.  It’s the best and worst of both worlds.  I’m loving it so far but I am having some growing pains. 

I hate that the house gets so messy but I’m trying to learn to chill. I also just joined The Y (which is AMAZING BTW) and they have childcare there.  I pay $18/month and I can take Lucy for 2 hours a day as long as I’m in the building.  What I foresee happening is dropping her off, working out, and then sitting in their cafe and working for about an hour.  I won’t do this everyday but I think it will be a sanity saver on Wednesdays.

So, there you have it.  It IS working out!  I think I’m a much happier Mom now that this is my set-up.  I worked out everyday this past week (something that hasn’t happened since I got pregnant with Lu) and we got to go to the pool twice at the end of the day.  Plus I get to snuggle, play, and giggle with my most favorite little girl in the whole world!

I had to go to Atlanta last week and as a surprise I got to have a girl’s weekend with 4 other woman who all have kids born around the same time.

This picture is a great representation of my weekend.

Wine, relaxing, and the Georgia mountains.  YES PLEASE!

Last night I had to work late and I didn’t get dinner started.  We decided to try sushi and take our friends Luke and Megan to thank them for helping with Lu while I was on the East Coast.

They suggested that we go to Tavern at Bown Crossing.  It’s a really nice steak house (not Japanese but an American Steak House) that also has sushi.  You would never expect this place to have sushi, but they do and it was GREAT!

We got some edamame for Lu (and the whole table):

Lucy loves her edamame!

I got some miso soup and salad:

Sushi!

And preggo Megan got a yummy Thai Chicken Salad:

It was delicious!!!  A little spendy but oh so YOM!