Ugh.  The last 2 weeks have been brutal for me.  I made a mistake at work (which I try very hard not to do) and my client was PISSED at me (which has NEVER happened before) and it sent me into a hole.  It started with me berating myself for how stupid and incompetent I was and it quickly spiraled to me berating myself for how fat I was.  It wasn’t pretty.

With all the work I’ve been doing, I KNOW what it feels like to feel good about myself and it felt like this “fall” was so much harder because on top of berating myself for the way I look, I was berating myself for berating myself.  It was really ugly.

The good news?  I have some tools and I know how to use them.  I started writing positive affirmations and started really talking positively to myself but I was still finding myself slipping back into that hole.  I tried taking a bath.  We all know how that turned out. I tried yoga. I tried running.  I tried talking about it with Shaun, friends, and my sister.  The hole was not quite as deep, but I was still in that hole. Finally, I pulled out the big guns and scheduled a meeting with my Life Coach (I still feel so dumb saying that-but really, she is a Life Coach, she’s not a therapist-she talks A LOT about 5x as much as a therapist would).

We met yesterday over the phone and I found myself taking notes.  I took 3 pages of notes.  I took the most salient points and wrote them on post-its and stuck them on the wall.

Merry Christmas!

I seem to have 2 very strong voices in my head.  On is negative and insecure the other is positive and happy.  I need to acknowledge both of them and then make the choice.  I choose happy! (Happy is actually a hard choice for me because it’s comfortable to be negative and insecure-it’s what I know and what I have known for almost 30 years.  I’m trying to re-wire my brain to choose the other, happier voice).

Everything is going to be okay and all the work I’ve done-is not lost.

Pretty self explanatory.

Whatever the situation, we CAN make the choice to make us feel good.  I know what will make me feel good in any situation and I need to DO THAT.

There are all sorts of different “frequency sets”-depressed and down is one of them.  It’s one I know well. I need to visualize what it feels like to feel good.  It will come.

It’s all up to me.  I’m in control.

Well this sure does-good friends and LUCY!:

I’m working on this one.  I know running and biking do.  Competing does…

And my favorite:

The hole feels like a little divot.  I can easily get out.

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