WAS WRONG.

Lucy is going through separation anxiety plus trying to figure out all her emotions and learning how she can get what she wants without having a vocabulary.  It is kicking my butt.  What happened to my happy smiley baby? Sure she’s still happy and smiley alot of the time but she’s starting to throw tantrums and cry and not sleep.  It’s hard.  It’s really hard.  I guess I deserve it.  I had such an easy go of it and now it’s not so easy.  She’s also getting to be more fun-it’s weird.  Her little personality is emerging and we can play with her and know what makes her giggle and get her sense of humor but at the same time if we do something she doesn’t like (like take away the remote or my watch or the keyboard) she throws a tizzy fit.  We don’t give in but then there’s the sleep issue.  Sometimes she just doesn’t want to go to sleep and she’s screams and cries.  What do we do then?  I have never been a fan of the “cry it out” method but I was desperate the other night and tried it.  I let her cry for 5 minutes and then went in there to soothe her.  They tell you to not pick them up but to rather rub their backs and speak gently to them.  When she realized that I wasn’t going to pick her up she got PISSED and started wailing and then choking/gagging.  Of course I picked her up.  Oh and she doesn’t want Daddy through all of this.  If he tries to soothe her and rock her she flails her body, tries to hit him, and screams like someone is hurting her.  It’s exhausting. It took us 2 hours to get her down that night.

Last night she went down without a fight at 7:30 but then woke up at 9:30.  I nursed her and tried to put her back down but she did not want to go to sleep and started screaming.  I tried to soothe her for about 20 minutes but every time I would make a move to put her in the crib she’d start screaming.  Well, I was running on 3 hours of sleep and was tired so I brought her into bed with me and she slept on my chest (after screaming while laying on my chest for 15 minutes) until about midnight (I think?) At that point I put her in her crib.  She woke up at 5 to nurse and started fighting the crib again so I brought her into bed with me again.  Thus giving her exactly what she wanted BUT Mommy needs to sleep!

I know that this is a stage and that it will pass but it is just really hard.  Really, really hard.  I hope it passes quickly.

I think you get the point. I had originally wanted to write here every day if not more than that but my life has just gone nutso. I want to write everyday and write about what’s going on so I’m going to try to post every day now.

It’s 1:50 pm and I’m sitting here in my pajamas. Meetings started at 7 am for me and I have yet another meeting at 2 so real clothes aren’t going to happen until sometime after 3. Why bother with real clothes? I need to go to the grocery store, or else you’d better believe that I’d just wear my pjs all day.

Our long weekend was nice although Lucy is teething and going through some MAJOR separation anxiety which led to a very grumpy/crying baby. What happened to my happy go lucky baby? She’s still super smiley but she’s been crying at the drop of a hat (huge crocodile tears too) and if she can’t see me, she’s basically crying. She’s okay at daycare but at home she wants to be in my presence at all times. It makes for one tired Mommy.

Someone asked us if she was sleeping through the night and Shaun had the best response ever: “She sleeps through the night for just long enough for it to mess with our heads when she doesn’t.” She’ll have weeks where she’ll sleep from 7:30-6:30 with no peep and then she’ll completely regress and I’ll be getting up every few hours. Last night she went down at 7:30 and then was up at 8:30, 12:30, 2:30, 3:30, 5, and then up for the day at 6:15. I let her sleep on my chest last night from 12:30-3:30 and then from 5-6:15. I knew I had an early morning meeting that I had to lead so I couldn’t fight with her and just brought her to bed with me. She wimpered all night long through her sleep so I know she’s in pain from her teeth. I gave her Motrin but it can only do so much. I don’t think that there’s anything else wrong with her. I hope not at least! She’s not pulling her ears, she doesn’t have gas, she’s not constipated. But she is chewing on EVERYTHING and her gums are swollen.

We had a really fun and active weekend. I didn’t think about work once and that was really nice. Here’s some cute pictures:

In Sausalito:

Crying because Mommy put her down for 30 seconds (seriously!):

She also started taking steps this weekend! We got video of it and need to post it to her blog. She’s been standing (with support) since December. In the last few weeks she’s started pulling up on Shaun and me but would just stand there-no foot movement. This weekend she started taking steps while we hold her hands. It’s scary and exciting all at once!