My Food Philosophy with the Kidamaru
This has come up twice today so I thought it may be a good time to post about how I feed Lu.
Remember when my sister sent me this book?
Well I voraciously read it and I have to say that I almost completely agree with her viewpoint on feeding children.
I mentioned this quote before but I think it bears repeating:
"You can’t control or dictate the quantity of food your child eats, and you shouldn’t try. You also can’t control or dictate the kind of body your child develops, and you shouldn’t try. What you can do, and it is a great deal, is set things up for your child so she, herself, can regulate her food intake as well as possible, and so she can develop a healthy body that is constitutionally right for her."
The book also helped me to understand why I have some of the food issues that I have. It was a wonderful “a-ha” moment. It was originally written in 1978 and revised in 2000 so it is quite current but it also touches on some of the beliefs around nutrition from my childhood. The author is a nutritionist and a psychologist and most of her beliefs are backed up by studies. It’s a wonderful read and I recommend it to everyone! I think it would be interesting to read even if you didn’t have kids but maybe I’m a bit weird (well I KNOW I’m a bit weird).
MANY people have commented about the variety of food Lu eats and what she’ll actually eat. She is only 17 month old (almost 18-*gulp*) but I think that her “mature palate” has to do with the way we’ve fed her. I hope that she continues to be adventurous with food and we don’t go down the route of PB&J at every meal.
Here’s what we do:
-First it started with introducing her to solids. I made sure to give her all sorts of different homemade baby foods (it doesn’t need to be homemade-I just really enjoyed making it). I didn’t let my preferences dictate what I gave her. I HATE papaya but I tried it with Lu and she LOVED it. I used Wholesome Baby Foods to guide me on what to give her at the different stages and I adhered (pretty strictly) to the 1 new food every 3 days rule. It helps rule out any allergies.
-Once she hit about a year (maybe a bit earlier) she started getting what we ate. I would cut it up in kid appropriate sizes but she mainly ate what we were eating. At this point the only thing she wasn’t eating was shellfish and peanut butter so everything else was fair game.
-If she asks for something that I’m eating, even if I think she’ll hate it, I let her have some. Except raw sushi and alcohol (or anything else potentially dangerous). You wouldn’t believe some of the things she loves! Beet juice anyone?
-Very importantly we sit down for dinner as a family every night. Very rarely do we not eat together as a family. It makes for a hectic time after work but I feel very strongly that she should eat with us and that we should all sit down together. On the weekends we eat breakfast (usually) as a family but not lunch. Lu eats lunch at 11 and naps at 12-which is a bit early for us. Sometimes I eat a snack while she’s eating lunch.
-She gets food at a predictable time and at predictable intervals. Breakfast is around 8, snack at 9:30, lunch at 11, snack at 2:30 and 5, dinner at 6:30. Daycare helped to establish this schedule but it is important. She shouldn’t ever feel like she doesn’t know when the next meal (or mini meal) is coming.
-She always has free access to water but milk is only given at meal times and at some snacks. You don’t want the kiddos to fill up on milk and then not eat solids. We normally don’t do juice but if we did, it would only be given with meals.
-I feed her wholesome, healthy, and good tasting meals that are high in (good) fats. She needs it for brain growth. A lot of time I add butter, olive oil, or avocado to her meals in order to bulk them up.
-Additionally, she very rarely gets processed food BUT I don’t make it taboo either. I give her “bad foods” on occasion and don’t make a big deal about it. Ellyn Satter actually recommends giving your kid a plate of cookies and milk for a snack every once in awhile (NOT everyday) that way things aren’t looked at as “treats” but more just as food. I tried this with Lu with Oreos-she hated them. She does like other cookies though!
-On the treat note, she recommends giving your child dessert with dinner. She doesn’t get treats every night but when I think of it she gets her treats with dinner or none at all. Amazingly she’ll take a bite of cookie and then eat broccoli. She did that last night. This way she decides when she’s full. The theory is that if you offer kids cookies at the end of a meal, they may already be full but will eat it because it’s a treat which teaches them to eat past their fullness. She gets more of everything on her plate (if she asks for it) EXCEPT the dessert-that is a set amount. The first night we did this she asked for more but I explained that that was it and she got mad and then kinda shrugged and ate other stuff on her plate. She also now leave cookies uneaten on her plate when she’s full 
-I don’t make “kid food”. Sometimes I alter things slightly but by and large she eats what we eat. I make sure to have something on her plate that I know she’ll eat-bread, crackers, pasta, rice but it’s up to her to decide what she wants and what she doesn’t want. Her plate always has protein, veggies, carbs, and healthy fat on it. It’s her choice to eat what’s on her plate.
-She gets as much or as little food as she wants (except for the aforementioned “dessert” with dinner). This even holds true for cookies at snack, the bread at dinner and so on. If she wants more and she’s sitting in her high chair or at her table-I give it to her.
-We try not to let her roam with food. We try to get her to eat it at the table or at her high chair. Sometimes snacks turn into roaming but breakfast, lunch, and dinner are eaten at the table.
-If she doesn’t eat what we’ve offered and wants down from the table we let her down. She doesn’t get anymore food until at least an hour has passed unless she wants to come back up to the table and eat what we’ve offered.
-I talk to her about all of this. I tell her that it’s okay if she doesn’t want something but she will not be getting anything else for at least an hour. Sometimes she reconsiders. 😉
-I try not to make a big deal about what she is or isn’t eating. Sometimes this is hard though 😉
I *think* that’s it. Do I always follow these rules 100%? Nope but I sure try! Is this the only way? Nope but it’s working for me. Could she become one of those kids who will only eat one thing and one thing only? Maybe but I sure hope not!
Category: How To, How To 20 comments »
Great tips Chelsea, I will be using a very similar approach! 🙂
Great advice. When I was growing up, meals were pretty simple: eat what Mom made, or eat nothing! 🙂 Yes, that meant there were some nights I had to eat foods I don’t enjoy, but it also meant I got no special treatment – and I’m glad. I HATE when parents make three separate meals for everyone in the family. Kids develop diverse palates when they’re allows (and sometimes forced) to try new things. They don’t have to like it all, but they do not need separate meals just because Mommy and Daddy’s food looks icky.
Chelsea, i’ve always loved your blogs and this one is no different.
I like the “kid-food” though. I try to make meals fun for him, as well as healthy. I’m guilty of the PB&J lunches, but he LOVES them and usually prefers them. 🙂 Surprisingly, he’s an amazing eater. LOVES veggies and HATES junk food (candy, jello, puddings). He was a fruit eater at first, and hated meats but now he will eat things that I won’t even consider touching. I hate squash, but he’ll eat an entire plate of it. I’m scared he’s going to turn into one! LOL
you know, we do a lot of the things you do. of course, she gets a LOT of cheerios and a LOT of cereal bars, but with our morning schedule, it’s usually the most “on the go” way to make sure she gets a fruit and a carb. we keep her on a pretty predictable schedule, we eat dinner together every night, and i give her this weird variety at lunch, like a piece of meat and a piece of whole wheat bread with pb (so she can pick her protein), some cheese, and at least one fruit and one veggie. i figure that way she can pick the stuff she wants to eat. i also try to let her choose out of the fridge what she’d like for lunch, since the veggie and deli drawers are perfect for her height. i suppose she’s a pretty healthy eater, but nothing like lu. she gets on kicks where she only eats things that are round, or where she won’t eat sliced cheese but she’ll eat shredded. i’m not all that sure what else we could be doing, but maybe you do. although i’m thinking that i give her too much milk and juice, and i should give her more water. i think the milk/juice was born out of a fear that she needed the extra fat/fruit.
anyway, anything you see?
Beth and Jill-I’m glad you agree 😉
Amber-She gets PB&Js! I was referring to kids that will ONLY eat PB&Js and nothing else. I love me some PB&J and so does Lu!
Steph-I think you’re doing great. I love that you let her pick out what she would like to eat! Lu has always been really diverse with her tastes and been adventurous and I know that I’m lucky.
I Love all of this advise. Well really its just a different way of looking at feeding your kid. I pretty much do all of what you put down. I do however give her WAY to much milk, to the point she wont drink water out of a sippy any more only if I get her her own water bottle at the store(a little spoiled maybe:) )
I really like and agree with the dessert on the plate with the meal. I never thought of it as over eating but, it makes sense.
Anyways I am definatly picking up this book I would love to try some new techniques. Thanks Chelsea~
I’ve never read the book but I think I do all of that for Ethan, except the not worrying about what he doesn’t eat – I think that’s hard to do for a few reasons…its not easy when they get ‘too skinny’ because it goes against mother’s instinct to want to nourish them…not to mention the frustration when they revolt against food, knowing that you know they can’t dislike it because they’ve eaten it plenty times before. And its hard to deal with the off kilter sleep schedule that follows putting them to bed after all they consumed at dinner was a glass of milk. My oldest went through this phase but it clicked with her right away that not eating dinner didn’t mean she got something else, it meant she got nothing…Ethan is struggling with making that connection and I have to remind myself every day that he will end up the healthy eaters my girls are eventually!
I might have to pick up that book though, I’m intrigued in the (I assume sound!) research because I’m not sure I agree with everything in that blurb at first – maybe in the abstract, but I’m interested in what she says about the introduction of social influences.
I’ve never had any trouble with Ev refusing to eat something either. And he’s had tons of stuff. I didn’t follow anyone’s teachings, though. I just feed him what we eat.
Oh how I wish I had read a book like that before adopting Maya. I gave in WAY to early and now that she is almost five, it’s a big old battle to get her to change her ways. She does eat ok, but rarely eats the exact same things I do. Similar…sometimes…but rarely the same. I love seeing what great variety Lu will eat. I seriously doubt she’ll go through a super picky stage. Good job, momma!
I have always been fascinated with the things that your daughter will eat, and I do believe I have commented on it numerous times. I want nothing more than to raise children with healthy attitudes towards food and adventurous, balanced diets. I think your philosophy sounds exactly like what I would do with my own children, especially the meal time as a family at the table part. My family has always cooked all of our meals and eaten together at a set time at the kitchen table, and it’s such a special time.
*filing in future parent file* I absolutely agree and admire everything you do for lucy!! She is going to be one healthy little food blogger one day!
This is probably the best post I’ve ever read. I hope you write more ones like this in the future. I am bookmarking it for a few years from now 😀
I DID wonder how you got Lucy to eat everything. I think my parents must have done the same with me because I remember being 3 or 4 and eating filet mignon, baked potato, and broccoli at a fancy dinner. Our parents also always took us out to eat with them at nice restaurants and we learned proper manners and etiquette at a young age.
You’re off to a great start! I have two boys – 8 & 5. People comment all the time on what good eaters they are. They eat what’s in front of them with not too much complaint (squash, for some reason, gets complaints, but they LOVE artichokes, asparagus, and other non-kid veggies). I’m amazed at how picky their friends are and at how lenient their friends’ parents are. You and Lu will be grateful for the good foundation you are giving her.
I just have to say it again. I am so happy you started this blog. You live your life just the way I want to when we start our family, and I love learning HOW! Also, you are such a great cook and meal planner!
[…] My Food Philosophy with the Kidamaru […]
Kelli-You’re welcome!
April-I agree it is SO HARD not to worry. You know how tiny Lucy is but I try so hard to just let her decide how much she wants of something. It seems to be working out. The author does touch on wee ones with weight problems (in both directions) in the book and I think you’ll find it helpful.
Audrey-I agree, I was doing MOST all of this before I read the book. It was just nice to have it back up a bit, kwim?
Michelle-don’t beat yourself up-you are a GREAT Mommy!
Lauren-Yep, we almost always had dinner as a family when I grew up too and I fondly remember those times. It’s a great foundation.
Amber-thank you!!!
Sabrina-you are too nice to me. We’re trying on the table manners thing too-it’s hard right now but we try!
JenP-thank you so much for the encouragement!
GREAT post, Chelsea! Totally bookmarking this for the future. What a great example you set for all of us!! 🙂
wow it is like you are living in our house, LOL, we are following this same approach with Katie. She only ever ate jarred baby food once and didn’t really seem to like it much. I think this is a great approach, especially the eating-as-a-family. She has sat with us at dinner time since infancy, either in the swing or the high chair!
It really is amazing the things that kids like if you don’t “precondition” them against it (e.g. beet juice, who’da thunk!?)
You are such a good mom Chels!! I need to bookmark this page…for someday 🙂
I have to say that I absolutely LOVE the way you are feeding Lucy and introducing her to new foods. Good for you for offering her things you don’t like…so many parents don’t do that. I also love your idea about giving her dessert WITH dinner so it doesn’t single it out as a special thing that you should eat regardless of how full you already are. I think your baby girl is on a great track for eating intuitively and healthfully – a skill that will be with her for her whole life. She’s a lucky girl!